Monday, May 17
Malta, like the rest of this Great Continent of Ours, is gearing up for the European Elections. Labour Candidate, Joseph Muscat reports:
"One of the most interesting meetings I had took place last week when I visited the only four electors living in Comino. It was a pleasure meeting Maria, Vangiela, Salvu and Anglu, the last of the Kemmunisti. I learnt about their problems and the reality they live in everyday life. Most of the difficulties these people face are related to communication. Nevertheless, they do feel an integral part of our country. Salvu has even upgraded to internet recently".
Now that's dedication, sailing through the treacherous shark-infested waters in the hope of securing four votes. Still, the lucky people have got the internet. Sounds pretty idyllic, really.
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"One of the most interesting meetings I had took place last week when I visited the only four electors living in Comino. It was a pleasure meeting Maria, Vangiela, Salvu and Anglu, the last of the Kemmunisti. I learnt about their problems and the reality they live in everyday life. Most of the difficulties these people face are related to communication. Nevertheless, they do feel an integral part of our country. Salvu has even upgraded to internet recently".
Now that's dedication, sailing through the treacherous shark-infested waters in the hope of securing four votes. Still, the lucky people have got the internet. Sounds pretty idyllic, really.
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Sunday, May 16
Self-effacing rock star Gene Simmons tells the Observer the secret of his success:
"I am the most powerful man in the world because I have complete freedom - and that's power. The most powerful guy in the world decides his fate without having to answer to anyone. That's power, baby".
Sounds good so far.
"The secret of happiness is to be completely selfish".
Sounds like a liberal.
"If I ruled the world it would be a much better place. First of all I'd have death squads and take out every dictator. I would find every drug dealer and shoot him in the head publicly, no trial or jury. I'd leave his carcass there for dogs. Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord. Well, I'll take some myself if you don't mind".
Sounds like this guy. His new album's got a nice title too. And it's a solo album as well, with a song co-written with the Normster's hero himself, Bob Dylan. Wild. Still, I think maybe he is on the side of the angels after all.
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"I am the most powerful man in the world because I have complete freedom - and that's power. The most powerful guy in the world decides his fate without having to answer to anyone. That's power, baby".
Sounds good so far.
"The secret of happiness is to be completely selfish".
Sounds like a liberal.
"If I ruled the world it would be a much better place. First of all I'd have death squads and take out every dictator. I would find every drug dealer and shoot him in the head publicly, no trial or jury. I'd leave his carcass there for dogs. Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord. Well, I'll take some myself if you don't mind".
Sounds like this guy. His new album's got a nice title too. And it's a solo album as well, with a song co-written with the Normster's hero himself, Bob Dylan. Wild. Still, I think maybe he is on the side of the angels after all.
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Saturday, May 15
"There is some irony that the only people to have lost their jobs over the unhappy events in Iraq have been journalists".
Claims the Guardian. Not strictly true. Don't forget this chappie, tragically deprived of his livelihood. To think that if he were still working, both Piers Morgan and Andrew Gilligan might still be scribbling away like mad things. Heart-breaking, isn't it?
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Claims the Guardian. Not strictly true. Don't forget this chappie, tragically deprived of his livelihood. To think that if he were still working, both Piers Morgan and Andrew Gilligan might still be scribbling away like mad things. Heart-breaking, isn't it?
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Friday, May 14
With Tony Blair on the ropes, Polly Toynbee contemplates his successor, Gordon Brown:
"Don't imagine he is any less of an Americanophile than Blair. Where does he holiday? Cape Cod, never across the channel. Who are his gurus? Americans. He never has a good word to say for our social democratic neighbours, except to use them as comparisons with his own brilliant economy".
She thinks these are negatives. On the other hand:
"It is he, the great redistributor, who is the keeper of the child poverty pledge, holding out against cabinet predators to give tax credits to poor families first, nurturing Sure Start and child care. It is he who put the money into schools and he who delivered the National Insurance rise to fund the NHS as never before. He even made that tax rise popular with 70% of voters. Equality of opportunity and social mobility are the causes driving all he does. The only point of a thriving economy for a Labour government is to deliver social justice. Now it is time to embed those ideas in British hearts and minds".
Not content with taking our money, they want to brainwash us.
"Remember, it took Sweden decades of steady progress to make a more equal society, but it needs people to buy into the idea permanently".
These guys are here for the duration, folks. Meanwhile, the benevolent intentions of the government are here for all the world to see. Some people aren't bringing their kids up the prescribed way, some people aren't allowed to look after their very own children, and some parents aren't allowed a say in whether their children have children. The Guardian knows who to blame in the latter incident, anyway:
"It is a tragedy that Michelle now regrets the abortion. But the real breach of confidence was surely by the mother who consented to splashing her daughter's private life all over the newspapers".
It isn't just your money the liberaloids want, you know.
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"Don't imagine he is any less of an Americanophile than Blair. Where does he holiday? Cape Cod, never across the channel. Who are his gurus? Americans. He never has a good word to say for our social democratic neighbours, except to use them as comparisons with his own brilliant economy".
She thinks these are negatives. On the other hand:
"It is he, the great redistributor, who is the keeper of the child poverty pledge, holding out against cabinet predators to give tax credits to poor families first, nurturing Sure Start and child care. It is he who put the money into schools and he who delivered the National Insurance rise to fund the NHS as never before. He even made that tax rise popular with 70% of voters. Equality of opportunity and social mobility are the causes driving all he does. The only point of a thriving economy for a Labour government is to deliver social justice. Now it is time to embed those ideas in British hearts and minds".
Not content with taking our money, they want to brainwash us.
"Remember, it took Sweden decades of steady progress to make a more equal society, but it needs people to buy into the idea permanently".
These guys are here for the duration, folks. Meanwhile, the benevolent intentions of the government are here for all the world to see. Some people aren't bringing their kids up the prescribed way, some people aren't allowed to look after their very own children, and some parents aren't allowed a say in whether their children have children. The Guardian knows who to blame in the latter incident, anyway:
"It is a tragedy that Michelle now regrets the abortion. But the real breach of confidence was surely by the mother who consented to splashing her daughter's private life all over the newspapers".
It isn't just your money the liberaloids want, you know.
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Thursday, May 13
I wonder how many more lives would be saved if only the government decided to abolish state education. But of course, being the government, it has decided to increase the load. Expect the Thames to be awash with corpses, folks.
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Wednesday, May 12
I'm not sure I'd have made exactly this connection. I mean, it does look like it's been a while since they did the stroll, but even so...
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Tuesday, May 11
This new-fangled blogger, eh? Ain't it marvellous?
UPDATE: Okay, I know when I'm beaten. It's either a choice of not seeing comments and taking an age to load, or installing the new blogger comments. I feel a bit like Sophie.
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UPDATE: Okay, I know when I'm beaten. It's either a choice of not seeing comments and taking an age to load, or installing the new blogger comments. I feel a bit like Sophie.
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Bonjour. Je m'appelle Georges. J'habite dans la lune. Je suis demi-homme, et demi-chauve-souris. Tu es tres jolie. Voulez-vous couchez avec moi?
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The Indy's token religious freak Paul Vallely asks the key question:
"What if she is not a depraved sadist but an insecure character desperate for approval?"
This could of course, be asked about any number of viviparous humanoids. But who, in this instant, is he talking about?
1. This delightful creature.
2. This gorgeous bird.
3. A woman doing a dangerous job in difficult circumstances.
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"What if she is not a depraved sadist but an insecure character desperate for approval?"
This could of course, be asked about any number of viviparous humanoids. But who, in this instant, is he talking about?
1. This delightful creature.
2. This gorgeous bird.
3. A woman doing a dangerous job in difficult circumstances.
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Monday, May 10
This certainly seems an improvement on being buggered by the rugby teacher. However, I'm not sure I'd really want to watch lots of videos of the Minister of Education Charles Clarke on his knees servicing the Prime Minister's mammoth phallus. Or with his tongue up Cherie's love tunnel. However, I am no longer a kiddie, so perhaps Britain's youth is more relaxed about these matters. Just so long as they stay out of the sun, eh? Now that's much more worrying.
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Friday, May 7
Less than a week after joining the European Union it seems that civil war is about to break out in dear old Malta, land of my forefathers. And only one man can bring the two sides together, according to the Times of Malta:
"Mr Iwueke also said he intends to put an end to all kinds of discrimination, racism, xenophobia and stereotyping and wanted to get smokers and non-smokers to live happily together".
They'll be calling in the UN any minute, I fear. It's been on the cards for years, though. You've got the Central Cigarette Company in Zejtun, the smugglers in Luqa, the health freaks of Gozo, versus the Rizzla dudes of mainland Malta, with small pockets of pipe-smoking seadogs living in Marsaxlokk. It was all bound to end in tears.
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"Mr Iwueke also said he intends to put an end to all kinds of discrimination, racism, xenophobia and stereotyping and wanted to get smokers and non-smokers to live happily together".
They'll be calling in the UN any minute, I fear. It's been on the cards for years, though. You've got the Central Cigarette Company in Zejtun, the smugglers in Luqa, the health freaks of Gozo, versus the Rizzla dudes of mainland Malta, with small pockets of pipe-smoking seadogs living in Marsaxlokk. It was all bound to end in tears.
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Polly:
"Just when things could not get any worse in Iraq, they do".
Well actually if you think about it, they could get worse. Use your imagination, girl. There could be more people dying, the allies could be losing. The UN could be running things. Uh-oh.
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"Just when things could not get any worse in Iraq, they do".
Well actually if you think about it, they could get worse. Use your imagination, girl. There could be more people dying, the allies could be losing. The UN could be running things. Uh-oh.
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At long last the truth. Robert Fisk admits he's racist. Or does he? I suspect when he says 'our' he means 'their'. Who knows. Who cares?
UPDATE: save yourself a quid. The whole thing is here.
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UPDATE: save yourself a quid. The whole thing is here.
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Philip Henscher gets all hot under the collar, describing the crushing of Michael Moore as "A monstrous attempt to silence a troublemaker". There is a man who does not read Tim Blair. Nor even the Times. Nor even this guy. Someone ought to introduce the guy to Google. It isn't that complicated.
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Thursday, May 6
Government Minister in Blame the Individual Shocker:
"Individuals also have to take responsibility for their diets or those of the people in the their charge."
Not that it's any of her bleeding business in the first place, but from little acorns who knows what we can build.
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"Individuals also have to take responsibility for their diets or those of the people in the their charge."
Not that it's any of her bleeding business in the first place, but from little acorns who knows what we can build.
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All right. Which language is this, then? Aside from being the language of lurve? If it's one of them Nordic countries, I may have to reassess my feelings about a certain lady.
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"By the way, who the heck is Worcester Woman?"
asks Tim the commenter. It's a good question, and as it happens, one of their number has come out of the closet today. It's Mrs. Andrew Marr:
"We grown-up women are time jugglers and consumers. We are practised flippers-through of the health pages, connoisseurs of vitamin supplements and daily victims and enemies of bureaucratic bullshit. We know how long it takes to get a doctor's appointment and we know that choice in secondary education remains a pipedream for many. A government that talks to us mostly about inputs, percentage investment growth and organisational change, as this one does, simply won't be heard".
Yes. This is all very well. But the old girl is still going to vote Labour whatever happens. And as for being an enemy of 'bureaucratic bullshit': come off it, love!
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asks Tim the commenter. It's a good question, and as it happens, one of their number has come out of the closet today. It's Mrs. Andrew Marr:
"We grown-up women are time jugglers and consumers. We are practised flippers-through of the health pages, connoisseurs of vitamin supplements and daily victims and enemies of bureaucratic bullshit. We know how long it takes to get a doctor's appointment and we know that choice in secondary education remains a pipedream for many. A government that talks to us mostly about inputs, percentage investment growth and organisational change, as this one does, simply won't be heard".
Yes. This is all very well. But the old girl is still going to vote Labour whatever happens. And as for being an enemy of 'bureaucratic bullshit': come off it, love!
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Wednesday, May 5
So the battle for Britain's votes in the forthcoming electionfest is on, and Polly, with startling predictability, has decided that on the whole she'd rather Tony did well in it than got trounced by the evil Tories. Even so, she still has her reservations about the Master, and fears the worst:
"What if virtually no one votes Labour?"
Well, yes, that would be a problem.
"The party may rationalise a crushing defeat, trusting that Labour voters will keep the Tories out in a general election. But the shock might have an impetus of its own, sending waves of panic among the many backbenchers facing expulsion, even if Labour were to win a workable majority. A mighty collapse of its vote breaks the magic of Labour's invincibility, and a Liberal Democrat surge may take on a trajectory of its own. In an electoral era that has broken the old rule books, there is no knowing what a near-zero Labour vote might do".
I reckon they'd be pretty narked.
"If he survived a humiliation, would he spend the next year making sure he recaptured the Labour vote? That is far from certain, however much his colleagues would urge it. That inflexible part of him forged in the defeat of 1992 does not risk alienating Worcester woman, Mondeo man or any of those polling phantasms he thinks put him into power. "Choice" is his mantra, a politically empty idea essentially at odds with social justice".
Politically empty? Not strictly true. There is, after all, one choice Polly still believes in.
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"What if virtually no one votes Labour?"
Well, yes, that would be a problem.
"The party may rationalise a crushing defeat, trusting that Labour voters will keep the Tories out in a general election. But the shock might have an impetus of its own, sending waves of panic among the many backbenchers facing expulsion, even if Labour were to win a workable majority. A mighty collapse of its vote breaks the magic of Labour's invincibility, and a Liberal Democrat surge may take on a trajectory of its own. In an electoral era that has broken the old rule books, there is no knowing what a near-zero Labour vote might do".
I reckon they'd be pretty narked.
"If he survived a humiliation, would he spend the next year making sure he recaptured the Labour vote? That is far from certain, however much his colleagues would urge it. That inflexible part of him forged in the defeat of 1992 does not risk alienating Worcester woman, Mondeo man or any of those polling phantasms he thinks put him into power. "Choice" is his mantra, a politically empty idea essentially at odds with social justice".
Politically empty? Not strictly true. There is, after all, one choice Polly still believes in.
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Ahdaf Soueif, in the Guardian:
"I've seen a photo of a young American soldier with two Iraqi boys. There is no nakedness or torture, but it is no less nasty for that. The boys are holding a cardboard sign. They and the soldier are smiling and doing a thumbs up. He is pointing at the cardboard sign, on which he's written: "Lcpl Boudreaux killed my Dad. then he knocked up my sister!" Imagine the scene: Lance Corporal Boudreaux, a soldier on a liberating, civilising mission, asks the natives to pose for a "memento". He gives them the sign to hold. What lie did he tell them about its message? "Iraq is liberated", or "Mission accomplished"? And who, in this scene, is the more civilised?"
Yeah. Me too. I've seen that photo. Strangely, though, it had a different message.
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"I've seen a photo of a young American soldier with two Iraqi boys. There is no nakedness or torture, but it is no less nasty for that. The boys are holding a cardboard sign. They and the soldier are smiling and doing a thumbs up. He is pointing at the cardboard sign, on which he's written: "Lcpl Boudreaux killed my Dad. then he knocked up my sister!" Imagine the scene: Lance Corporal Boudreaux, a soldier on a liberating, civilising mission, asks the natives to pose for a "memento". He gives them the sign to hold. What lie did he tell them about its message? "Iraq is liberated", or "Mission accomplished"? And who, in this scene, is the more civilised?"
Yeah. Me too. I've seen that photo. Strangely, though, it had a different message.
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Tuesday, May 4
"Millions of people have become aware that this is a war of conquest, which violates international law and disregards the authority of the UN and its rules. Today, the Iraqi people are struggling for their independence and legitimate rights. In that kind of war the whole arsenal of a superpower is out of the question. Such a power may conquer a nation but cannot govern it".
Fidel Castro, telling it like it is.
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Fidel Castro, telling it like it is.
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Michael Evans writes a letter to the Indy concluding that:
"war should not even be a last resort. It should be abolished".
I wonder if he's old enough to vote.
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"war should not even be a last resort. It should be abolished".
I wonder if he's old enough to vote.
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Democracy comes in for a bit of a kicking today from our liberal betters.
"A tiny minority of Israelis must not be allowed to dictate the destiny of Israel and Palestine"
thunders the Indy. Martin Kettle over at the Guardian also has it in for those miserable people otherwise known as swing voters:
"Why should the whole future of our country - and, more grandly, of civil society - be in the hands of such selfish, inconsistent, prejudiced, ignorant and pampered people?"
I know. Perhaps we need an injection of new blood. The Indy seems to think so. 16-year-olds must vote. They're not selfish, inconsistent, prejudiced, ignorant and pampered, are they?
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"A tiny minority of Israelis must not be allowed to dictate the destiny of Israel and Palestine"
thunders the Indy. Martin Kettle over at the Guardian also has it in for those miserable people otherwise known as swing voters:
"Why should the whole future of our country - and, more grandly, of civil society - be in the hands of such selfish, inconsistent, prejudiced, ignorant and pampered people?"
I know. Perhaps we need an injection of new blood. The Indy seems to think so. 16-year-olds must vote. They're not selfish, inconsistent, prejudiced, ignorant and pampered, are they?
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A certain Guardian columnist writes the following sentence:
"Just as the importance of pre-school learning is becoming properly understood, the Tories would end Sure Start, cut back on child care, scrap our programme for children's centres and cut the budgets for under-five provision".
Guess who? ( Clue: It isn't this one ).
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"Just as the importance of pre-school learning is becoming properly understood, the Tories would end Sure Start, cut back on child care, scrap our programme for children's centres and cut the budgets for under-five provision".
Guess who? ( Clue: It isn't this one ).
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Sunday, May 2
I suppose there are some cynics out there who think the filth would be better off arresting burglars, murderers and other degenerates. But handing out choccies to the proles as an oblique way of clamping on alcoholism has a touch of the genius about it. It isn't exactly Dixon of Dock Green, and you certainly wouldn't have caught the Sweeney doing this, but times have changed. We've all moved on. This is the Twenty First Century after all. I'm not quite sure how it squares with the War on Fat which the Guardian announced yesterday, nor perhaps is it a good example for our impressionable young folk, but if one life can be saved, who am I to protest?
UPDATE: It gets better and better. Chances are the boy in blue handing out the Smarties is going to black. It's all part of the War on Terror, apparently. I'm starting to have my doubts about this. What next? State-run shoeshine boys?
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UPDATE: It gets better and better. Chances are the boy in blue handing out the Smarties is going to black. It's all part of the War on Terror, apparently. I'm starting to have my doubts about this. What next? State-run shoeshine boys?
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Saturday, May 1
It's seven years to the day that Tony Blair waltzed into Downing Street, kicking away the cobwebs of conservativism, and turning Britain into the great big shining happy place we all know and love. Only, some of the gloss has come off the paint. As the Guardian remarks:
"Back in 1997, expectations may have been unrealistically high, but Mr Blair seemed to be, and in many ways really was, in touch with the public mood. Today he sometimes seems to be on another planet to the rest of us, seeing things that others do not see, and refusing to see things that stare others in the face".
Oh well. Still, there is a solution, a new road to take, a new approach that will knock the stuffing out of those crusty old tories, a policy that will surely take Blair into the next millennium and beyond. As another leader in the self-same paper expostulates:
"Obesity is disproportionately a disease of poverty, affected by culture and diet, as well as opportunities for exercise. But more than any of those things, recent American research suggests that there is an important psychological element: those who feel least in control of their lives are most vulnerable. More, there is now evidence that the same people actually find it harder physiologically to lose weight. Distant exhortation will have least effect where action is most needed. The government needs to pluck up courage, see off the charge of the nanny state and move from exhortation to intervention".
Time to force the proles into fitness, eh? Doesn't sound very much like Cool Britannia to me, but what the hell. Got to keep the social workers busy, haven't we?
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"Back in 1997, expectations may have been unrealistically high, but Mr Blair seemed to be, and in many ways really was, in touch with the public mood. Today he sometimes seems to be on another planet to the rest of us, seeing things that others do not see, and refusing to see things that stare others in the face".
Oh well. Still, there is a solution, a new road to take, a new approach that will knock the stuffing out of those crusty old tories, a policy that will surely take Blair into the next millennium and beyond. As another leader in the self-same paper expostulates:
"Obesity is disproportionately a disease of poverty, affected by culture and diet, as well as opportunities for exercise. But more than any of those things, recent American research suggests that there is an important psychological element: those who feel least in control of their lives are most vulnerable. More, there is now evidence that the same people actually find it harder physiologically to lose weight. Distant exhortation will have least effect where action is most needed. The government needs to pluck up courage, see off the charge of the nanny state and move from exhortation to intervention".
Time to force the proles into fitness, eh? Doesn't sound very much like Cool Britannia to me, but what the hell. Got to keep the social workers busy, haven't we?
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Picture the scene - you're Tony Blair, you're tough on crime and on the causes of crime, you're at a dinner party with a number of film-makers, models, rock stars, and other luminaries in the world of showbiz, and somebody lights up a spliff. Do you:
1. Remind them that actually as the law stands, they would be committing an infraction of the law, and suggest they put the weed away. Or better still, hand it in to the local constabulary.
2. Demand to see their ID cards, ring up David Blunkett and get MI5 to come round and shoot them.
3. Tell them that this is a gateway drug. It may be harmless in itself, but they could soon find themselves shooting up heroin, smoking crack, and gradually turning into black people.
4. Tell them, that ain't no spliff, hold on a second while I make you a Camberwell carrot.
5. Get out your guitar and start playing old songs by Melanie and Joan Baez.
6. Grin away like a cretin and do damn all about it. And then, a few hours after the story comes out, issue a denial that the whole event ever took place.
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1. Remind them that actually as the law stands, they would be committing an infraction of the law, and suggest they put the weed away. Or better still, hand it in to the local constabulary.
2. Demand to see their ID cards, ring up David Blunkett and get MI5 to come round and shoot them.
3. Tell them that this is a gateway drug. It may be harmless in itself, but they could soon find themselves shooting up heroin, smoking crack, and gradually turning into black people.
4. Tell them, that ain't no spliff, hold on a second while I make you a Camberwell carrot.
5. Get out your guitar and start playing old songs by Melanie and Joan Baez.
6. Grin away like a cretin and do damn all about it. And then, a few hours after the story comes out, issue a denial that the whole event ever took place.
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Friday, April 30
A certain Guardian columnist writes the following paragraph:
"Even a modest tax increase on earnings above £100,000 - say, 50% - would bring in nearly £5bn. That's enough to roll out SureStart centres for every baby. Teaching parents to listen, read, sing and talk to babies is emerging as SureStart's great success, giving children who risk failure a chance by the time they start primary school. More could be raised with higher taxes on earnings over £200,000, or £500,000".
If you don't know who it is, well clearly you have not been paying attention.
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"Even a modest tax increase on earnings above £100,000 - say, 50% - would bring in nearly £5bn. That's enough to roll out SureStart centres for every baby. Teaching parents to listen, read, sing and talk to babies is emerging as SureStart's great success, giving children who risk failure a chance by the time they start primary school. More could be raised with higher taxes on earnings over £200,000, or £500,000".
If you don't know who it is, well clearly you have not been paying attention.
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Martin Woollacott is leaving the Guardian, and feels he can at last spare us a few insights into the crazed world of the columnist:
"It is not only that sometimes you wake up in the middle of the night, as a fellow columnist on this paper once confessed, saying to yourself: "Why on earth did I write that?" Or that on bad days the word "bullshit" sometimes rises unbidden to mind".
Don't worry, Marty. There are one or two readers who feel the same way.
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"It is not only that sometimes you wake up in the middle of the night, as a fellow columnist on this paper once confessed, saying to yourself: "Why on earth did I write that?" Or that on bad days the word "bullshit" sometimes rises unbidden to mind".
Don't worry, Marty. There are one or two readers who feel the same way.
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"Last year London experienced the largest demonstration in its history - against the war in Iraq".
writes the celebrated peacenik Gerry Adams.
"For those who share that position its size was a great encouragement. Here was clear evidence that people in Britain don't regard their government as infallible; and that there is support for diplomatic measures and opposition to war".
War! What is it good for? Violence? killing? It never got anyone anywhere, did it?
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writes the celebrated peacenik Gerry Adams.
"For those who share that position its size was a great encouragement. Here was clear evidence that people in Britain don't regard their government as infallible; and that there is support for diplomatic measures and opposition to war".
War! What is it good for? Violence? killing? It never got anyone anywhere, did it?
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"The sad thing is that the Royal Mail is a vital public service".
Claims a leader in the Guardian. So why not privatise it then, and unleash the forces of happiness?
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Claims a leader in the Guardian. So why not privatise it then, and unleash the forces of happiness?
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"Frankly, I'd be quite pleased if a part of the British national identity was lost through the EU's "morphing into a single, fully-integrated megastate",
writes a Kevin Marman, in a letter to the Indy
"preferably the part embodied in the likes of the Royal Family, Michael Howard, Tony Blair and David Blunkett.
To this I'd add the gibbering, barbaric, flaccid hordes of warmongering, xenophobic, gay-bashing, Beckham-fixated, tabloid-reading, pavement-parking, junk-consuming, ID-card supporting, crime-obsessed parochials who seem more and more to be laying claim to the character-set identified generically as "British".
It must have been a bad week.
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writes a Kevin Marman, in a letter to the Indy
"preferably the part embodied in the likes of the Royal Family, Michael Howard, Tony Blair and David Blunkett.
To this I'd add the gibbering, barbaric, flaccid hordes of warmongering, xenophobic, gay-bashing, Beckham-fixated, tabloid-reading, pavement-parking, junk-consuming, ID-card supporting, crime-obsessed parochials who seem more and more to be laying claim to the character-set identified generically as "British".
It must have been a bad week.
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Thursday, April 29
I don't know what it is with journalists. I mean, why do they have to write in such a poncy style? Take Timothy Garton Ash, as an example:
"This Saturday, May 1 2004, is a great day in European history. Nothing - not the fears or the resentments, not the terrorists or the demagogues - should stop us celebrating this day as it deserves.
What we achieve with the eastward enlargement of the European Union is more than just the demolition of the remnants of the Berlin wall, which artificially divided Europe into "west" and "east". It's an unprecedented step towards a Europe whole and free. Never before in European history have so many countries of central and eastern Europe been together with their western neighbours as democracies in the same political, economic and security community, with equal rights and obligations. For centuries, they've been second-class citizens, poor relatives, objects of others' designs. For centuries, they've had a complex of backwardness and exclusion, while west Europeans have caricatured them as exotic, eccentric and obscure. Ruritania. Dracula. Tintin's Syldavia".
Yeah, all right, we get the picture.
"Never again to be slaves, the Slavs join our Latin and Germanic leaders at the top table in Brussels - and, before that, at a party in Dublin (plus, of course, the non-Slav Hungarians, Maltese, Estonians and Greek Cypriots). A third great chord of Europeanness is finally reintroduced to the unfinished symphony".
I mean, look at that last sentence. Just look at it. I've been reading blogs for getting on three years now, and nobody - not Vivienne, not even Ryan in Manchester - has written anything as fatuous. Pathetic, isn't it?
Meanwhile, back in the real world, the man with no reverse gear Tony Blair has decided he doesn't want a lot of those funny foreigners over here after all. And there was I thinking this was the whole bleeding point.
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"This Saturday, May 1 2004, is a great day in European history. Nothing - not the fears or the resentments, not the terrorists or the demagogues - should stop us celebrating this day as it deserves.
What we achieve with the eastward enlargement of the European Union is more than just the demolition of the remnants of the Berlin wall, which artificially divided Europe into "west" and "east". It's an unprecedented step towards a Europe whole and free. Never before in European history have so many countries of central and eastern Europe been together with their western neighbours as democracies in the same political, economic and security community, with equal rights and obligations. For centuries, they've been second-class citizens, poor relatives, objects of others' designs. For centuries, they've had a complex of backwardness and exclusion, while west Europeans have caricatured them as exotic, eccentric and obscure. Ruritania. Dracula. Tintin's Syldavia".
Yeah, all right, we get the picture.
"Never again to be slaves, the Slavs join our Latin and Germanic leaders at the top table in Brussels - and, before that, at a party in Dublin (plus, of course, the non-Slav Hungarians, Maltese, Estonians and Greek Cypriots). A third great chord of Europeanness is finally reintroduced to the unfinished symphony".
I mean, look at that last sentence. Just look at it. I've been reading blogs for getting on three years now, and nobody - not Vivienne, not even Ryan in Manchester - has written anything as fatuous. Pathetic, isn't it?
Meanwhile, back in the real world, the man with no reverse gear Tony Blair has decided he doesn't want a lot of those funny foreigners over here after all. And there was I thinking this was the whole bleeding point.
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Wednesday, April 28
Sometimes I think I'm quite right-wing. And then I come across Adam Yoshida:
"Silly white men with guilt complexes like to assuage themselves by saying that it doesn’t matter who runs the world or what language they speak, or what culture they come from- but anyone with a lick of sense knows that it does.
What, then, is to be done about China? How are they to be stopped?"
Adam has a three point plan. It doesn't include economic sanctions.
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"Silly white men with guilt complexes like to assuage themselves by saying that it doesn’t matter who runs the world or what language they speak, or what culture they come from- but anyone with a lick of sense knows that it does.
What, then, is to be done about China? How are they to be stopped?"
Adam has a three point plan. It doesn't include economic sanctions.
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"There is no escape. Which ever way he turns, the prime minister faces nothing but intractable trouble".
Announces a worried Polly Toynbee.
"There is no good news anywhere on the horizon. Not in Iraq, America or Europe. Not even in figures showing success at home, while the public refuses to believe them. Disaster beckons in the June elections".
And that's just the half of it.
"What has changed now is that when Blair addresses one of the wicked issues, he begins to seem more like part of the problem than the solution".
Wicked?
"May 1 should be a day for rejoicing. History will see the accession of the 10 nations as the final purging of Europe's 20th century horrors - but not in Little England where the occasional gypsy begging with a drugged baby is quite enough to persuade people that accession is just another plot to let foreigners from the east invade our shores".
And what's the odd drugged baby compared to the complete abolition of war?
"Instead of celebrating May 1, Europhiles are to be heard whispering wickedly that perhaps the only hope now is that the new European constitution won't be agreed after all in June".
Wickedly?
"It's a bad time to talk up Europe. Chirac is a rogue, Schröder is weak, Berlusconi might face trial if he weren't in office, and Blair abandoned European credibility when he chose the neo-con White House instead".
Indeed. Instead of hanging out with the Texan fundamentalist, Tony should have chosen Chirac, Schröder and Berlusconi as soulmates. Then everyone would love him and there would never be any more wars and stuff. Just the odd drugged baby.
I reckon Polly's been listening too much to these guys.
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Announces a worried Polly Toynbee.
"There is no good news anywhere on the horizon. Not in Iraq, America or Europe. Not even in figures showing success at home, while the public refuses to believe them. Disaster beckons in the June elections".
And that's just the half of it.
"What has changed now is that when Blair addresses one of the wicked issues, he begins to seem more like part of the problem than the solution".
Wicked?
"May 1 should be a day for rejoicing. History will see the accession of the 10 nations as the final purging of Europe's 20th century horrors - but not in Little England where the occasional gypsy begging with a drugged baby is quite enough to persuade people that accession is just another plot to let foreigners from the east invade our shores".
And what's the odd drugged baby compared to the complete abolition of war?
"Instead of celebrating May 1, Europhiles are to be heard whispering wickedly that perhaps the only hope now is that the new European constitution won't be agreed after all in June".
Wickedly?
"It's a bad time to talk up Europe. Chirac is a rogue, Schröder is weak, Berlusconi might face trial if he weren't in office, and Blair abandoned European credibility when he chose the neo-con White House instead".
Indeed. Instead of hanging out with the Texan fundamentalist, Tony should have chosen Chirac, Schröder and Berlusconi as soulmates. Then everyone would love him and there would never be any more wars and stuff. Just the odd drugged baby.
I reckon Polly's been listening too much to these guys.
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Tuesday, April 27
The other day I was wondering when I would first read this story. Lo and behold, it's today. Passive smoking is more dangerous than smoking. How about that?
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Just because you're paranoid.... David Farrer grabs his crystal ball, and does not like what he sees.
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Monday, April 26
Ian Black finally spills the beans:
"Here at the Guardian we try to tell it like it is - though frankly our tolerance for the detail is limited".
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"Here at the Guardian we try to tell it like it is - though frankly our tolerance for the detail is limited".
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Sunday, April 25
ID cards are going to be essential in the fight against terrorism. Or so says David Swampy Blunkett. So naturally, everyone must have one. Well, not quite everyone. Guess which special interest group is going to be allowed to opt out of having photos of their faces on them. Is it?
1. Very ugly people.
2. David Blunkett.
3. Female suicide bombers.
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1. Very ugly people.
2. David Blunkett.
3. Female suicide bombers.
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"Sending women to jail is inhumane and does nothing to keep us safe"
intones yesterday's Indy, which would come as news to these three little moppets I imagine, if they were still alive. And here's another Maxine suffering at her Majesty's pleasure. It's rough in there, isn't it? Still, the Indy would never let three dead babies stand in the way of its feminazi obsession:
"Some think our rapidly-expanding prison population is evidence of success, rather than failure. They believe it shows we are getting "tougher" on criminals, rather than being a sign that we are failing to confront the conditions that lead people into committing crimes in the first place".
It's our old friend 'the roots causes' again. Whatever. I reckon it would be cheaper to hire this girl's boyfriend to be put in touch with any girl named Maxine and sort them out. He wouldn't stand for any of their nonsense. Even if he would need a healthy supply of mouthwash.
Still, in case you were wondering whether the entire Liberaloid universe has it tongue buried deep within the female ass, well there's always one whose very name can just spark them off into frenzies of hatred and moronism. And it ain't this one.
"You can't understand Thatcher," says UK novelist Iain Sinclair,
"except in terms of bad magic. This wicked witch who focuses all the ill will in society. I can't understand her except as demonically possessed by the evil forces of world politics. Everything else follows from that: oil revenues blown in dubious arms deals, all real values trashed. She becomes a godhead to those who want to destroy the city's power. But the godhead is created for a system which destroys her, as always happens. Now she's been banished to a kingdom of whisky and mockery. But the fact remains that she introduced occultism into British politics and that the role of the writer was to counter that political culture."
She's only been out of power 14 years, you know.
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intones yesterday's Indy, which would come as news to these three little moppets I imagine, if they were still alive. And here's another Maxine suffering at her Majesty's pleasure. It's rough in there, isn't it? Still, the Indy would never let three dead babies stand in the way of its feminazi obsession:
"Some think our rapidly-expanding prison population is evidence of success, rather than failure. They believe it shows we are getting "tougher" on criminals, rather than being a sign that we are failing to confront the conditions that lead people into committing crimes in the first place".
It's our old friend 'the roots causes' again. Whatever. I reckon it would be cheaper to hire this girl's boyfriend to be put in touch with any girl named Maxine and sort them out. He wouldn't stand for any of their nonsense. Even if he would need a healthy supply of mouthwash.
Still, in case you were wondering whether the entire Liberaloid universe has it tongue buried deep within the female ass, well there's always one whose very name can just spark them off into frenzies of hatred and moronism. And it ain't this one.
"You can't understand Thatcher," says UK novelist Iain Sinclair,
"except in terms of bad magic. This wicked witch who focuses all the ill will in society. I can't understand her except as demonically possessed by the evil forces of world politics. Everything else follows from that: oil revenues blown in dubious arms deals, all real values trashed. She becomes a godhead to those who want to destroy the city's power. But the godhead is created for a system which destroys her, as always happens. Now she's been banished to a kingdom of whisky and mockery. But the fact remains that she introduced occultism into British politics and that the role of the writer was to counter that political culture."
She's only been out of power 14 years, you know.
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Friday, April 23
BigRonGate rumbles on, and two of the UK's most prominent moral titans have joined in: Roger Lyons of the TUC, and Ian Wright, formerly of Arsenal and Crystal Palace, and currently of the BBC. Meanwhile, his fellow commentator Clive Tyldesley waxes lyrical here, and there's a week old interview here. I hope he comes back. It would be a shame if this were all he were to be remembered for.
UPDATE: And here's a selection of Guardian readers' views on the matter. I found the response of Steve McDonald particularly horrifying. Steve explains himself thus:
"I am an Equalities and Diversity trainer and consultant. My vision and mission is to work towards a fair society offering equal access and chances to all and respect for everyone's differences, but even I feel there is another way of tackling what occurred.
Could you not put it to Ron that he work with an Equalities and Diversity expert in exploring what happened. Ron is very popular and I know that if the Guardian were to support his transitional training and counselling, many people would welcome that move.
Equalities mentors, including myself, challenge without threat, and work with people to explore their ethnocentric behaviours and deep-rooted fears and prejudices. There are many training and consultancy agencies you and Ron could choose from, but wouldn't it be better to explore this than invoke the blame culture.
No one should disrespect anyone else and making racist remarks is never acceptable, but I believe that if Ron could work through this properly, he could become a great public advocate and champion for equality as he proved to be in the past".
There's an offer it would be hard to refuse.
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UPDATE: And here's a selection of Guardian readers' views on the matter. I found the response of Steve McDonald particularly horrifying. Steve explains himself thus:
"I am an Equalities and Diversity trainer and consultant. My vision and mission is to work towards a fair society offering equal access and chances to all and respect for everyone's differences, but even I feel there is another way of tackling what occurred.
Could you not put it to Ron that he work with an Equalities and Diversity expert in exploring what happened. Ron is very popular and I know that if the Guardian were to support his transitional training and counselling, many people would welcome that move.
Equalities mentors, including myself, challenge without threat, and work with people to explore their ethnocentric behaviours and deep-rooted fears and prejudices. There are many training and consultancy agencies you and Ron could choose from, but wouldn't it be better to explore this than invoke the blame culture.
No one should disrespect anyone else and making racist remarks is never acceptable, but I believe that if Ron could work through this properly, he could become a great public advocate and champion for equality as he proved to be in the past".
There's an offer it would be hard to refuse.
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Thursday, April 22
So it's early doors, then, for Big Ron. Bit of a shame, really, as I thought he was the best in the business. Now we're going to have to settle for the likes of Jim Beglin or David Pleat when watching Chelsea play in the Champion's League Final. If Chelsea play. In the mean time there will always be Ronglish. And Here's a selection of the sixty best football quotes. I can't quite decide which is the best. 2 or 9. Bobby Robson or Mark Draper? It's too close to call.
UPDATE: It's also worth relishing the fact that Ron is also a columnist for the leading liberal newspaper the Guardian. Interestingly, as of this minute, they haven't sacked him yet. I can't quite see them showing such tolerance for Polly Toynbee, say, if she were to be caught mouthing such obscenities about Paul Boateng, even if she thought she was off camera, five minutes after the end of Question Time. Gary Younge? Well that would be different, wouldn't it?
FURTHER UPDATE: He's gone.
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UPDATE: It's also worth relishing the fact that Ron is also a columnist for the leading liberal newspaper the Guardian. Interestingly, as of this minute, they haven't sacked him yet. I can't quite see them showing such tolerance for Polly Toynbee, say, if she were to be caught mouthing such obscenities about Paul Boateng, even if she thought she was off camera, five minutes after the end of Question Time. Gary Younge? Well that would be different, wouldn't it?
FURTHER UPDATE: He's gone.
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"We should applaud Joyti, not jail her" proclaims the buck-toothed theorist Janet Street-Porter in the Indy.
"Give that woman a medal" agrees rabbit-toothed thinker Richard Adams in the Guardian.
Who is Joyti? The Florence Nightingale of our day? Mother Teresa reincarnated? No, she's a PA who stole £4.3 million from her employers. Small fry, really, in the scheme of things. I wonder if they'll take such a relaxed attitude when discussing this kind of naughtiness.
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"Give that woman a medal" agrees rabbit-toothed thinker Richard Adams in the Guardian.
Who is Joyti? The Florence Nightingale of our day? Mother Teresa reincarnated? No, she's a PA who stole £4.3 million from her employers. Small fry, really, in the scheme of things. I wonder if they'll take such a relaxed attitude when discussing this kind of naughtiness.
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Wednesday, April 21
Following on from the three articles yesterday in the Guardian declaring that any referendum on the EU consitution would get scuppered by the xenophobic jackals of the right-wing press, Johann Hari of the Independent joins in the fray, albeit on a slightly more upbeat note:
"The referendum will give pro-Europeans the chance to nail the Murdoch lies".
enthuses the young liberal firebrand.
"This is a European country and we must not allow the media to poison our sense of our own national interest".
The Indy isn't part of the media, apparently. I could have told him that ages ago. I see it more as a horror comic for jaded liberaloids, anti-Americans, and innumerate eco-freaks. Still, those are only excerpts, and I dare say a slightly more sophisticated argument might eventually develop, and if you're inclined to find out, I'm sure the whole piece will turn up later today at johannhari.com. However, for what it's worth, I think this rather bizarre attempt by the Europhiliacs to turn this into a "Who Governs Britain?" type referendum - the government or Rupert Murdoch - will backfire spectacularly. 97%! Still, if that's the ground these goons want to find this on - rather than on the constitution itself - than they will get it up the jacksy. But then our Johann isn't so hot on the maths, even at the best of times.
His heroine Polly is a bit more sanguine:
"This has indeed been the week that marks the beginning of the end of the Blair era. However long it takes, the power is ebbing from him before our eyes".
Oh well. I'm sure they'll find somebody equally nice and cuddly to take the Master's place.
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"The referendum will give pro-Europeans the chance to nail the Murdoch lies".
enthuses the young liberal firebrand.
"This is a European country and we must not allow the media to poison our sense of our own national interest".
The Indy isn't part of the media, apparently. I could have told him that ages ago. I see it more as a horror comic for jaded liberaloids, anti-Americans, and innumerate eco-freaks. Still, those are only excerpts, and I dare say a slightly more sophisticated argument might eventually develop, and if you're inclined to find out, I'm sure the whole piece will turn up later today at johannhari.com. However, for what it's worth, I think this rather bizarre attempt by the Europhiliacs to turn this into a "Who Governs Britain?" type referendum - the government or Rupert Murdoch - will backfire spectacularly. 97%! Still, if that's the ground these goons want to find this on - rather than on the constitution itself - than they will get it up the jacksy. But then our Johann isn't so hot on the maths, even at the best of times.
His heroine Polly is a bit more sanguine:
"This has indeed been the week that marks the beginning of the end of the Blair era. However long it takes, the power is ebbing from him before our eyes".
Oh well. I'm sure they'll find somebody equally nice and cuddly to take the Master's place.
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At the end of January the Indy was predicting a new ice age. We'd all be able to club seals from the comfort of our own living-rooms. Three months later, it's all change. No polar bears; apparently it's going to be tuna and sharks. Hey ho.
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Tuesday, April 20
There's going to be a referendum on the EU constitution, assuming our elders and betters can actually get to agree on one. And assuming the neo-Socialists win the next election. And assuming that some of our European partners don't kill it first. The Guardian, typically, takes this all in its paranoid stride:
"This provides a suitable springboard for Labour and the Liberal Democrats to make the case for the new Europe in real earnest. But they will have to be brave - braver than they both, particularly Labour, have been on the issue - if they are to turn public opinion around. And they will have to insist on some rules of debate - including rules about fair press coverage of the campaign - which may provoke howls of protest from the anti-Europe press but which are essential to the proper functioning of the democratic referendum that we now face".
Now that should be fun: 'rules of debate', 'fair press coverage'. Time for a Fairness Czar, perhaps. Martin Kettle doesn't like it, either:
"It will inescapably be a contest fought on terms dictated by the unelected media rather than by the elected politicians.
This is where the European Union referendum really will be a defining moment. It will mark the extraordinary watershed at which this country's debased, biased and unaccountable media formally take control of the political process".
And Timothy Garton Ash?
"Since the early 1990s, the Eurosceptic press, led by the Sun, the Daily Mail and the Daily Telegraph, has dictated to the elected prime minister what he can and can not do in Europe... some 22 million newspaper readers pick up a dose of Euroscepticism every day, compared with about 8 million readers of papers broadly favourable to the European project".
There they go again. It's all our fault we don't buy the Guardian. This is good fun, though, isn't it? I mean, if this is what they think now, wait till it actually happens...
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"This provides a suitable springboard for Labour and the Liberal Democrats to make the case for the new Europe in real earnest. But they will have to be brave - braver than they both, particularly Labour, have been on the issue - if they are to turn public opinion around. And they will have to insist on some rules of debate - including rules about fair press coverage of the campaign - which may provoke howls of protest from the anti-Europe press but which are essential to the proper functioning of the democratic referendum that we now face".
Now that should be fun: 'rules of debate', 'fair press coverage'. Time for a Fairness Czar, perhaps. Martin Kettle doesn't like it, either:
"It will inescapably be a contest fought on terms dictated by the unelected media rather than by the elected politicians.
This is where the European Union referendum really will be a defining moment. It will mark the extraordinary watershed at which this country's debased, biased and unaccountable media formally take control of the political process".
And Timothy Garton Ash?
"Since the early 1990s, the Eurosceptic press, led by the Sun, the Daily Mail and the Daily Telegraph, has dictated to the elected prime minister what he can and can not do in Europe... some 22 million newspaper readers pick up a dose of Euroscepticism every day, compared with about 8 million readers of papers broadly favourable to the European project".
There they go again. It's all our fault we don't buy the Guardian. This is good fun, though, isn't it? I mean, if this is what they think now, wait till it actually happens...
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Monday, April 19
The Metropolitan filth have decided that the most pressing need in the fight against crime is to keep out the honkies. The noted egalitarian Roy Hattersley, not surprisingly, is in favour:
"White critics of the attempt to "fast track" black and Asian police recruits ought to imagine how they would respond to a force which, almost entirely, consisted of black officers".
thunders the great big lump of lard. Well, I'm not technically a white man - I'm more of a half-caste, really - but let me throw in my pennyworth: I wouldn't give a damn. I just want the best. Not the blackest, the whitest, the gayest, the oldest, I just want the best cops you can get. If all the cops were black I'd be sublimely indifferent, just so long as they were the best. Where does Roy stand on this issue? He doesn't even answer his own question. Which tells us all we need to know. This isn't about 'fairness', this is all about government meddling. Hattersley evidently thinks that private companies and individuals must not be racist; Government agencies ought to be.
The former deputy leader of the Labour Party defends his bigotry thus:
"If we wait for the gradual evolution of society into a prejudice-free utopia, ethnic minorities will never get their fair share of anything".
Which, insofar as it means anything, means that the white majority will always keep out their black brethren. Does this mean that Roy thinks that the white majority are intrinsically racist, or just biologically superior? Again, Roy doesn't tell us. It's nice to know that Roy Hattersley, champion of the poor and lover of the underdog, has such high regard of his fellow Britons.
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"White critics of the attempt to "fast track" black and Asian police recruits ought to imagine how they would respond to a force which, almost entirely, consisted of black officers".
thunders the great big lump of lard. Well, I'm not technically a white man - I'm more of a half-caste, really - but let me throw in my pennyworth: I wouldn't give a damn. I just want the best. Not the blackest, the whitest, the gayest, the oldest, I just want the best cops you can get. If all the cops were black I'd be sublimely indifferent, just so long as they were the best. Where does Roy stand on this issue? He doesn't even answer his own question. Which tells us all we need to know. This isn't about 'fairness', this is all about government meddling. Hattersley evidently thinks that private companies and individuals must not be racist; Government agencies ought to be.
The former deputy leader of the Labour Party defends his bigotry thus:
"If we wait for the gradual evolution of society into a prejudice-free utopia, ethnic minorities will never get their fair share of anything".
Which, insofar as it means anything, means that the white majority will always keep out their black brethren. Does this mean that Roy thinks that the white majority are intrinsically racist, or just biologically superior? Again, Roy doesn't tell us. It's nice to know that Roy Hattersley, champion of the poor and lover of the underdog, has such high regard of his fellow Britons.
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Sunday, April 18
So, the pint-sized pop princess Dido is dating a footballer! But it's the wrong one. What's wrong with this guy?
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